


want to need

by MicrosuedeMouse



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Arguing, F/M, Getting Together, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MicrosuedeMouse/pseuds/MicrosuedeMouse
Summary: “What do you want, Gorilla,” Izumo muttered, not even bothering to make it a question.“What Iwantis not to have another day like today,” Bon answered, his frown rivalling hers. “Listen, I know hating the rest of us is your wholething,but youneedto trust other people. You can’t take things on by yourself all the time. There’s no shame in getting our help.”“Wow.Thanks.” She glowered at him, venomous. “That’s sogentlemanlyandnobleof you, Gorilla. I’m so relieved to know there aremenfor me to run to when my poor littlegirl bodycan’t handlea single goddamn demon.”“Oh, don’t evenstartwith that shit,” he spat. “That’s not what this is about, and you know it.”
Relationships: Kamiki Izumo/Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Kudos: 7





	want to need

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a few weeks ago after watching the second season. BonIzu is a really underrated ship, imo - I'm a sucker for 'he's proud but she's even prouder' sort of dynamics, I think. Also, I like how direct Bon is sometimes; I can definitely imagine him running out of patience for her and just telling her what he wants.
> 
> I know a few vague plot things about the manga but I have yet to read it, so consider this to be entirely anime-based. When is it set? What's the context? Your guess is as good as mine, bud. Sometime in the ambiguous future, after some kind of big conflict with a demon. It doesn't really matter - this conversation was all I was really worried about exploring.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :^)

Once Renzou and Konekomaru were asleep, Bon rolled up out of his bed and headed towards the common area. The exwires were divided amongst three bedrooms surrounding a main sitting room, and that was where he spotted Izumo, still sprawled in the same chair she’d collapsed into the moment they’d returned to the guest house. Her back was to him, her head tipped back against the top of the chair, and she didn’t stir as he approached, his socked feet soft on the wood floors.

“Kamiki,” he said, his voice low but his tone serious, as he rounded her chair and took a seat in the one facing her. Looking exhausted and irritated, she lifted her head, cracking her eyes open to peer at him.

“What do you want, Gorilla,” she muttered back, not even bothering to make it a question.

He couldn’t blame her for being tired. They were all tired, but she’d taken the brunt of the beating today, and she had to have been all but completely depleted, even _with_ the restorative medicine that Shiemi and Yukio had given her. Still, this was important, and he wasn’t going to wait for another time to talk.

“What I _want_ is not to have another day like today,” Bon answered, his frown rivalling Izumo’s. “Listen, I know hating the rest of us is your whole _thing_ , but you _need_ to trust other people. You can’t take things on by yourself all the time. There’s no shame in getting our help.”

“Wow. _Thanks_.” She glowered at him, venomous. “That’s so _gentlemanly_ and _noble_ of you, Gorilla. I’m so relieved to know there are _men_ for me to run to when my poor little _girl body_ can’t handle _a single goddamn demon._ ”

“Oh, don’t even _start_ with that shit,” he spat. “That’s not what this is about, and you know it. We’ve all known for a long time now that training alongside Rin means we have a lot of extra crap on our plates. None of us are ready to deal with it on our own. We’ve got to have each other’s backs.”

Izumo scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Right on. Using each other as crutches. _That’s_ what’ll make us stronger.” She shifted in her seat a bit, pushing herself further upright again so she could glare at him properly. “I get it. You hate not being at the centre of the action. I’ll make sure I keep you _fully informed_ next time.”

“ _Hey_ ,” he raised his voice a bit further. “Listen. You remember when I got pissed at Rin for keeping secrets when I thought we were friends? _That’s_ what this is about. You don’t have to be nice to the rest of us, but you _do_ have to recognise that we’re all looking out for each other. We’re on _your side,_ Kamiki.”

“ _Ugh._ ” She looked away in apparent exasperation and disgust, flicking one hand at him as if in dismissal. “I _get_ it. Your whole ‘we’re a team’ bit. I’ve heard it before, Gorilla. We all have. Several times.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t seem to be getting through to you!” Bon sniped back, leaning forward in his chair. His fingers were digging into the armrests as he tried to contain his frustration.

“So why do you even bother to keep _trying!_ ” she demanded, suddenly leaping to her feet. He half expected her to stalk away, but she simply stood there, offended.

He pushed himself up to face her, flat-out angry now. He had a good six inches on her, and she had to lean back to maintain eye contact, but to her credit her scowl didn’t so much as waver.

“Because I care a _lot_ about you, goddamnit!” he replied, meeting her gaze. Despite the difference in size, they were matched pound-for-pound when it came to obstinacy. “And _I_ hate seeing you take all the hits like you did today! _I_ want to be able to help you, but you won’t even let me watch your back!”

Izumo’s face had already been a little flushed from the argument, but suddenly she was burning with a far greater intensity. She made as if to put more space between them, but the backs of her knees hit the edge of the chair behind her, so she threw her hands up defensively.

“W-what the hell, you stupid gorilla!” she squawked, flustered now as well as affronted. “You can’t just _say_ things like that! People could get totally the wrong idea!”

“Or the _right_ one,” Bon growled back, his voice lower again, but he looked her straight in the eye like he was issuing a challenge. “I don’t give a _shit_ who knows, Izumo. _I care about you._ ”

“I don’t–” She floundered for a second, her brows furrowed and the blush spreading out to her ears. “If you think for a _second_ that I would _ever_ –”

But Bon had known her long enough to see through her bullshit, by now. “Oh, for god’s sake, Izumo,” he said, pressing a little closer to her face. “Just be honest for a _single_ fucking second, won’t you? I know there’s something between us lately. If it’s not enough for you to want to act on, then so be it. I can respect that. But I’m not an _idiot_ , and I’d appreciate you not acting like I _am_.”

For a long moment, he stood there and searched her eyes. Her mouth a hard line from cheek to crimson cheek, Izumo stared back, looking for all the world like she was about to explode. But he wasn’t going anywhere until she answered him.

Because there _was_ something. It had come up too many times now for him to dismiss as misinterpretation, or as one-sided. It had started ages ago, with moments when they ran into each other on campus during day classes and their eyes met in a second of mutual acknowledgement and greeting, or glances across the training ground when they both knew they were thinking the same thing. Then, way back during their day of sightseeing in Kyoto, they’d found themselves in conversation more than once, actually getting along, even if only for a moment. And since then, Yukio had partnered them for assignments. They’d ganged up on Renzo to kick his ass for paying more attention to girls than to important training exercises. They’d walked together to Rin and Yukio’s dorm for study sessions and social gatherings and strategy meetings.

And somewhere, in between the disagreements and the squabbles and the frustrated huffs, something genuine was growing. A connection that Bon knew they both felt. It was deeper and more meaningful than all of the shallow bickering they did, and he was sure, by now, that it was worth fostering.

“I.” Izumo was looking down now, at his chest, and though her expression hadn’t changed, her voice was softer. More embarrassed. “Don’t… _need…_ anyone.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he grumbled at her. “Everyone _needs_ people. That’s just what being human _is._ ”

“I…” Her words were coming out stiltedly, and it was obvious that she had to push herself to say them at all. “Don’t _want_ … to need. Anyone.”

“Sure. Fine.” Still watching the top of her head, Bon reached up and put his hands on her shoulders, touching her for the first time in all of this. He felt her stiffen, but then she seemed to force herself to relax again, at least partway. “But you _need_ to _want_ someone. We all do.”

“But it’s…” Even her breathing sounded a little forced. “… _humiliating_.”

Bon sighed, making a frustrated little sound in the back of his throat. Getting Izumo to express anything but derision was like pulling teeth. It had been this way for as long as he’d known her, but that didn’t make it any less annoying to deal with. “In my experience,” he answered quietly, “it’s a lot _less_ humiliating to want someone when they want you, too.”

Carefully, slowly, like she was a small animal who might scare too easily and run – and in a way, she sort of was – he raised his left hand from her shoulder towards her face. Before he even reached her jaw, one of her own hands suddenly caught in the front of his t-shirt and clenched tightly, like she expected _him_ to take off.

Bon took a breath and a gamble, then, pulling her face up at the same time that he leaned down to kiss her. He could _feel_ the heat coming from her flushed skin, but he could also feel her other hand twisting into his shirt, so he held for a moment, letting her adjust. When he pulled away, she lowered her head again and moved so close that her forehead was all but resting on his chest.

“Don’t… _tell_ anyone,” Izumo mumbled, muffled by the angle.

“What?” He frowned again.

She took a deep breath and pulled away from his chest just the smallest amount. “Don’t _tell_ anyone,” she repeated, a little more loudly. “You know, that… that I. Want you.”

Bon’s frown deepened. “Listen, Izumo, I want this, but I’m not doing it in secret. I’m not about that.”

“Of course not,” she muttered back, like he was being ridiculous. “That would be stupid.”

He peered down at her for a moment, trying to figure her out. “If people know that we’re in a relationship, they’ll know that you want me. That we want each other.” He licked his lips. “That’s what a relationship _means_.”

Finally Izumo raised her eyes to look at him again, still both blushing wildly and glaring. “Just don’t _tell_ , Suguro!” she said again, gripping his shirt a little more tightly. “This is embarrassing _enough_ , isn’t it?”

He blinked at her, at the total inanity of her logic, but then he gave a short sigh through his nose and let it go. “Ryuji,” he told her softly. “If you’re not calling me _Gorilla,_ just stick with _Ryuji._ ”

She huffed and glanced aside, flustered. “… _Gorilla_ ,” she muttered after a second, as if to prevent him from getting too comfortable.

With another sigh, he took her face in both hands and leaned in to kiss her again. In spite of her scowl, she renewed her grip on his shirt, keeping him close.


End file.
